| May. 7th, 2007 @ 03:14 pm (no subject) |
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Office politics has become unbearable, it's so pathetic, it's like being in high school again. People really should grow up and think about their own work rather than getting at other people. It makes me really paranoid because that's the kind of personality I have. I get on with everyone on the surface, even if they aren't the ideal people I would pick as friends, I wouldn't slag them off to other members of the team. I can honestly say that there is only one person that I actually avoid at all costs and that's because of her actions leading to one of my friends losing his job. I have never been awful to her face as that isn't in my nature, I have been civil and always given her help when she has asked for it. A certain office gossip who I do get on with but wouldn't trust as far as I could throw has told me that this girl is aware of my feelings towards her and thinks I'm being unfair. Even though I think my decision is justified I can't stand to think of anyone feeling that I dislike them. I think I need to have a word with her to clear the air and explain why I feel the way I do, I will be interested to see what she has to say. I feel like I'm having to watch my back all the time and I really despise that, I feel like I have to watch what I say as there are spies lurking in all corners, I have even been warned to watch what I say to the person I get on the best with and I'm quite disappointed about that. It's one big game and it's extremely childish really. I always seem to be writing about work related issues, sadly that's the only thing I actually have in my life at the moment.
I think I need to get back onto the dating circuit, it's been 7 months of singleness and although it's been great to put myself back together and find myself I think I've done everything I need to now. I feel like I'm ready to find something to work at rather than to look for perfection as I have always done. I think that shows that I am comfortable enough within myself now to not be taken in by the wrong person again. I know where I am in life finally after all these years of fighting against myself, I have clear goals and expectations for myself. Instead of dwelling on self pity I'm finding ways to move forward. There's no-one in my life anymore who I feel doesn't respect me, I'm not trying to save anyone, I'm just working on myself. Instead of being closed off to any possibility of happiness or being so cynical to think that everyone is going to hurt me, I'm going to open my heart again and see what happens. If I get hurt then so be it, I'm strong enough to handle that sort of emotional involvement now without falling to pieces.
It's time to make that list off all of the things I want to be doing/should be doing, I feel that I have focus now and will be able to stick to it. However saying that it's bank holiday Monday and I' m sat watching Scrubs and enjoying it. |
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